Experience:120µg LSD - First Bad Acid Trip, Psychosis
- Date: 5/10/2017
- Gender: Male
- Weight: 125 lb
- Age: 19
- Mindset: uncertainty, excitement
- Setting: a neighborhood park, a dirt path, home
- Etc: I have very well-managed borderline personality disorder.
Introduction and Brief History
I had taken LSD, anywhere from 1-2 blotters, on about 8 different occasions with positively spiritual and insightful experiences. One time after these occasions, two years ago, I wanted to trip and all I could obtain was a 2C-I blotter. I took half of it and had an overwhelming visual experience that I would call very unpleasant. This made me feel arrogant in the midst of LSD. I thought to myself many times, "I have NEVER had a bad trip from LSD. Only from a research chemical." So for once, I actually undervalued the importance of trip preparation. What a fool I had been.
Pre-Trip (~4:45 PM)
This became sort of a "last minute idea" thing. I had invited my best friend over to my house on a Wednesday evening. He is a bit of a "hippie" you could say, but not really constituting as a psychonaut. So without even supplying a time of arrival, he shows up an hour later (around 4:30-5 PM); this was the moment of uncertainty to alter my mindset. But that aside, I didn't know I would be tripping that day until he says "I brought you an acid tab." This made me very happy and excited, enough for me to forget how uncertain everything would be. It was long since I had taken a psychedelic. I was so thrilled that I let my emotions take charge against my rational nature. Combined with him trying to reassure me [that it was fine to trip unplanned], I trusted him as my trip sitter. A mistake on my part, this was not enough to keep me secure later on.
Dosing (6 PM)
Again, and in summary of pre-trip, he convinced me through reassurance that I would be prepared enough. So we set off on a walk down this dirt path outside my neighborhood to find a relaxing location before making the walk back to my house. I had the LSD tab in a baggie in my vest pocket; I took it out and placed it on my tongue before we started walking. It dissolved in 10 minutes, no bitterness, no numbness (as typical with 2C-x). We had already smoked most of a 1 g prerolled joint from the dispensary an hour prior, which was before I knew I would trip that day for sure. The smoking was also a mistake. The time distortion from the cannabis made it seem like we smoked hours ago, so I thought I would be fine.
See? I'm Fine: the Onset (6:50 PM)
After spending time talking at a grassy, pine tree-filled park past the dirt path, we start heading the reverse direction to my home. My friend/sitter put on some folk music, when I realized that I was coming up. The music euphoria and enhancement is what caught my attention. He was making jokes and making me laugh a lot. I felt so euphoric and connected like my past LSD experiences. I felt content and free from worry. We arrived at my house at 7:10, and we went to my room to play guitar and sing together, something we often do as musicians. While having a blast and making my spirit glow, something went sour suddenly.
A Hard Left Turn: Begin Peak (~8 PM)
Mid-music playing, the euphoria transitioned into confusion. Long-term memory had suddenly become distant. "Where were we earlier? How does this guitar work. What the fuck is a guitar?!" my thoughts raced. Quickly I completely lost all musical ability, then soon general language. These kind of things are typical in my trips and not very alarming, except this time, there was a feeling of "madness" and delirium also present. To put it simply, I was in shock. I don't know how else I can describe it other than that, feelings of impending doom, or a form of psychosis. None of these types of emotions or perceptions were present in my previous trips, although in my own experience, I knew for certain this was LSD. I suppose this made me so distraught that it started to dictate the experience. My sitter was sleep deprived at this point and didn't know how to help me. I couldn't understand 85% of spoken language.
Severe Apprehension (9 PM)
I was not afraid of the visual aspect! I enjoyed everything about the trip but at the same time I was being overwhelmed by what I describe now as "psychotic anxiety". I can define this as great feelings of dread without a conscious reason or for something that would not be considered dreadful by even people with severe anxiety disorders. For example: feeling anxiety about time existing/passing, feeling anxiety about the temperature difference between outside and inside. It was just VERY bizarre and incomprehensible to me pre-trip, despite previous LSD trips at the same dosage.
Ego replacement, Amnesia, and Schizophrenia-like Thought (11 PM)
The next thing I am aware of, I am in my music room again, my friend is gone, my mom is asleep. I'm watching That 70s Show on my TV and I thought everything in the show was ACTUALLY HAPPENING. I thought I was some new character and part of the show, but there was no show. This was REALITY. I knew all "characters" as real people on a deep personal level. During this time, I had NO IDEA I was on drugs, and I was in a state you could call full on psychosis. Looking back, I see my entire life at that point therein, did not exist and was replaced with this massive delusion. I don't remember much else from that night other than it felt extremely long.
Ironically, I feel this was a learning experience that taught me just how important trip preparation is. Some that I know personally speculate-- there are indeed no "bad trips" or "good trips", only difficult experiences and easier ones. They also say it is simply part of the experience and bound to happen at one point or another. They do not happen often, but when they do, it is a challenge of your fear. You learn from difficult experiences. But I digress, NEVER disregard set and setting! Even if it seems excessive to you, it may just be necessary to prevent your day-long descent into insanity.
- Perception of decreased weight
- Physical euphoria
- Spontaneous tactile sensations
- Changes in felt bodily form
- Cognitive euphoria
- Existential self-realization
- Emotion enhancement
- Personality regression
- Feelings of impending doom
- Ego replacement
- Memory suppression
- Language suppression
- Feelings of eternalism