Experience:Psilocybe Cubensis (2g, Oral) - First Spiritual Experience(?)
- Date: October 2020
- Age: 21
- Sex: Male
- Height: 5'8" / 173 cm
- Weight: 108 kg / 238 lbs
- Misc: Aside from psychedelics, I don't use many drugs aside from the occasional NSAID, and a little bit of alcohol or weed every now and then. I'm diagnosed bipolar.
I took them shortly after waking up, around 11 o'clock. It was a weekend, I'd decided to clear out my schedule the day before, just in case anything went haywire, or if the come down was longer than I expected. I'd never done shrooms before, LSD a couple times; I even went to the trouble of grinding up and preparing some morning glory seeds the week before for a simple LSA extraction, which just made me sleepy. Although they did also alleviate my mood swings similarly to LSD, while only being barely hallucinogenic (I may write about that later). Anyway, I figured by then my tolerance for psychedelics, if any, had by now evaporated, and I threw the 2 g all down at once on an empty stomach with nothing but some water and vitamin pills, but not before spending an hour or so getting myself mentally situated--reading the news, watching a couple youtube videos--so I wasn't too sleepy or tired, I felt like it would be a bad idea to do it the second I woke up.
Because it had been probably 10-12 hours since I last ate, even without anything acidic the shrooms metabolized quickly, and just like with LSD and LSA, I could feel very mild and subtle effects only minutes after ingestion, but it came on fully after probably 30 minutes or so. I know because that was the point where I went from wondering "are these real/is this enough?" to thinking "this is definitely enough". For the first hour after that, I felt odd and disoriented. It was difficult to coordinate and my thoughts were becoming blurred. My neighbor and I both had our bedroom windows open, and during this initial confusion and discomfort, I overheard her talking about how she didn't know "mushrooms lasted that long" and I thought "wow I didn't know it was that good" until a few moments later when the conversation continued and it became clear it was only a coincidence, perhaps one potentiated by the pandemic and the sharp rise in psychedelic use, a trend I'm admittedly a part of. I remember carefully venturing down the kitchen and grabbing a light breakfast, which included some tea, some (high-protein) soup, and some cheese and fruit. It may have been the caffeine, the acidity of the berries, or just the calories, but I began to notice this humming all around me, from all the appliances in the house, and all the sounds from the natural environment, and it sounded like the ॐ I'd heard at Buddhist ceremonies as a child, and I began to hum it, and it harmonized, and the more intense the humming the more intense the vibration, until it (I assume my AC unit) stopped. For a moment, I was lost, but then I faced towards the window and closed my eyes, and this intense light began to fill my body and uplift me, and I could feel every part of my body rising up, and then it was as though I was greeting something vast and powerful but also present, always present around me and in me, and I said "Namaste" and put my hands together. It was after this that I was filled with an extreme clarity and fully regained control of my cognitive and motor faculties. I stepped outside and walked around my neighborhood, taking in the fresh air and the sounds and enjoying all the minutia, the glory of life, the immense sense of wellbeing that had been disposed on me from this experience, and I basked in the warmth of the light, I faced the sun and let its divine rays fill me. There was a profound peace and wellbeing that I'd never had before.
I came back inside. By now, I was coming down, and it was all over by around 1:30. The afterglow lasted for around 5 or 6 hours. Sitting, by myself, now back in my own head, having only talked to one overworked waiter at a café in my neighborhood I went to check out, I felt tired, I felt like I needed to lie down, because it was all really a lot to go through in only a couple hours. And then the doubt began to set in. Was it "real"? An interesting question, I know, in this day and age, especially for a psychedelic user. I wanted to believe, but later I related these experiences to my roommate, and my doubts, and he said, "maybe you are predisposed to religious thought". And he must be right, because I had this same thought while on acid, that if a deeply religious person took acid, they would see "God", and if an Athiest who deeply believes in objective truth took acid, they would see their version of one. That mushrooms opened me up to suggestibility, that I took them wanting to have a religious experience, and I ended up having one. I wanted to believe, so badly. I had a fantasy of my own personal God, and what he would look like beyond all my possible doubts, and I almost had him, if only I hadn't chosen to ask, "maybe not". As they say in the Diamond Sutra, the highest truth is that there is no highest truth, and that is why we call it the "highest truth". And so many have been told, over the years, and centuries, the millennia, that God can save them, and maybe I wanted God to save me, and for the briefest moment, like a flicker in a flame, I believed it, too, and I felt the euphoria that all those of faith feel when they let go of themselves to a boundless God. But I cannot be saved, because I have no self to give.
If I do ever see God, I'll let you guys know.
Submitted by Jalrag