Experience:~6000mg DXM Freebase + 4g's Red Vein Kratom + HHC + Nitrous - Five Days of Disassociation

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I always keep my substances in a safe, so in case I'm super fucked up but deluded into believing I'm sober, I won't be able to accidentally have high me kill myself. That said, the initial contents of the substances I had ingested are as follows.

- 3 bottles of Robotabs. So effectively 9000mg of freebase DXM.

- An HHC cart. - A decent amount of red vein kratom capsules.

- Two, fifty can boxes of nitrous cream chargers from Creamright.

While I'd include the acid and shrooms I had, I decided to opt out of taking those since I still had a significant amount of psych tolerance from my previous trips. Though were this not the case, I more than likely would have gone balls to the walls and also tried dosing some tabs and eating a few grams of shrooms.

I mostly played two song genres. Either alternative indie rock or modern rap. Alternative indie rock in my book is something like Peach Pit, Vacations or Surf Curse. You know the sound I'm talking about. For rap it was mostly just Tyler, Danny Brown and whatever spotify put on my playlist radio.

Day one.

Initial dose: Twenty-two Robotabs (660mg DXM freebase), six or seven hits from my dispo and nine cream chargers throughout the course of the come up and as robo-itch began to kick in.

The experience itself was a pretty typical 3rd plat maybe very low 4th plat trip. A fuck ton of euphoria and disassociation seemingly hit me all at once, as everything began to take that dreamlike feeling where it feels like nothing is real, and you're just looking at the memories of somebody else or a cutscene in a videogame, despite the fact that you're the one actively talking with someone. A dream-like memory one could say, as if you were experiencing high school flashbacks (or middle school depending on your age I guess) in live time, and you had were fully immersed and had control over yourself in those memories.

Thankfully, no nausea and no roboitches this time around.

Following that, I apparently called or texted everybody in my contact list, with the highlight being me hitting up my ex with a "hhfbw u bwu>". Looping also began to take place. As in looping in the sense that you say or do something, black out and forget you did it and then do it again. It's why I ended up asking my friend "Yo [name here]? Am I fucked up bro? I think I'm a little fucked up." non-stop for two hours. In regards to OEV's, which are rare I know, it was really similar to a very light dose of shrooms in the sense that everything's wavy and loose. The only difference is that your depth perception is fucked on DXM so everything feels further away and everything feels like a gigantic journey. Along with this, my perception of shadows and their distance from me also grew warped. Shadows detached themselves from the material that they remained on, which did not appear visually distorted in contrast, and began to float and wave as if thin silk cloths, whirling together to form a spinning tornado-like shadow non-sentient entity that hovered above me. In regards to CEV's, many of them were simply being a phantom entity exploring the remains of high-tech and high-fantasy civilizations, desiccated ruins of long gone civilizations that never existed remaining in front of me. It seemed very reminiscent of Japanese western-themed fantasy, as seen in many JRPG's, anime's and mangas.

Day two.

Day two initial dose: Fifteen Robotabs (450mg DXM freebase), around ten or more so hits from my HHC cart, 2g's of Kratom and a quantity of cream chargers no greater than fifteen. This was all ingested with one of those large cans of Redbull you see at convenience stores and gas stations.

Despite still heavily feeling the afterglow, I heard my phone alarm for the entering of a new day and I was intent on seeing how fucked up I could get. I popped open my safe somehow, took ten minutes to measure out how much I wanted to take before hopping back onto my bed and listening to Vacations. Roboitch hit fucking HARD on this time around. I was itching literally fucking everywhere, all while tripping and feeling like I was watching myself in the third person in a two-tone black and white horror movie setting. After that subsided however, I was able to more readily immerse myself into the DXM CEV's.

These ones were honestly some of the coolest CEV's I've had and are highly reminiscent of LSD CEV's somehow. It was like dreaming that I could awake from and continue at any moment I desired. I'd be on a movie set either as nothing, an actor or support crew which was very heavily stylized. I initially started off as what I immediately identified as a Serbian mobster running through the streets of Venice, briefcase in hand as I jumped and dashed over the canals. Three men, yelling in what I thought was Italian, took out pistols and began firing them at me. While I didn't feel any pain nor a sensation, I somehow intuitively knew that I was shot, as my CEV self collapsed onto the floor, with blood underneath. I blinked in this alternate reality this CEV took me, only to find myself in 1980's Miami, with a heavy evening synthwave aesthetic, as I saw myself sitting in the passenger's seat from a 2D perspective to the right of me, with myself and the driver, a partner of mine in... Something, being morphed to fit with the two-tone blocky aesthetic the world took between black and evening orange. The best way I can put how it looked and felt to me was a two-tone, 2D, animated Pulp Fiction intro. In my head, I believed myself to be a corporate assassin, engaged in these fictious corporate underground wars, akin to what you see in the videogame Sub Rosa. I don't remember anything else of it, all I remember is that I found myself in a fire fight on one of the upper floors of a skyscraper office complex. After getting shot, I looked down towards my chest, still no pain, and blacked out. I then awoke in 80s/90s Japan. Honestly, all I remember of it is that I described it to my friend as if it was experiencing a music video directed and shot like Paramore's music videos from their After Laughter album set within 80s/90s urban Japan stylized in the aesthetic that many do today for fashion or simple visual aesthetic. Vaporwave without the wave basically.

These were not the only flashes of lives I had, there were dozens. These are pretty much the only ones I can remember coherently. I lasted in this kind of heavily delusional and disassociated state for five hours before beginning to feel myself coming off the peak. In my state of dysfunction, despite it being nearly seven hours until the next day at twelve A.M. (my self-agreed upon re-dosing time), I took another ten robotabs (300mg DXM freebase).

Day three.

Day three initial dose: On top of the ten robotabs taken six/seven hours prior, I took what my brain seems to be telling me sixteen robotabs. I don't know why specifically sixteen, it just feels right. Dispo, definitely more than fifteen cream chargers and then two packs of Newports which I smoked throughout the day compulsively.

I'll be honest, I don't really fucking remember much of day three. I took the robotabs, immediately fell asleep because I was up for two days and woke up beyond FUCKED. I smoked and hit some nos before I robowalked over to my bathroom to piss, but before that I looked myself in the mirror and saw a completely unfamiliar person. While I could recognize that yes, that was supposed to be my face there, I did not personally emotionally associate with the face. In fact, as I looked at myself, all I saw were the eyes of that of a primal beast, a gladiator only made to kill and a beast that served no purpose other than to bring harm unto others. I do not personally perceive myself like this while sober, nor do I believe to perceive myself as such sub-consciously. I don't know why seeing me made me feel this way, it simply did. After that, I took what felt like an eternity to urinate. It felt as if I had to channel all of my inner chakras and come to a Nirvana with my inner body in order to be able to expel the urine that was building up in my body. After what was likely ten minutes, I achieved this Nirvana like state, and proceeded to time loop throughout the process of taking a pee, perceiving a second to be much longer than what I believe it to be. During this state, I believed myself to have transcended the material plane, and believed the true state of Nirvana and inner peace was to be found through the act of urinating.

After that, I dressed up, not without falling a few times though, and got ready to go to campus. I'm a freshman philosophy major, and I unfortunately did not have the foresight to realize that even if I began tripping on Thursday, with the plans I had, I would still be tripping by Tuesday. According to many of my peers, they described what was effectively a very bad case of robo-walking, with my pupils being dilated as wide as dinner plates, my eyes all the way wide open at all times, constantly slurring my speech and whenever I was questioned as to why I was in this state, I would slurredly mumble something along the lines of "I'm just coming down bruh, we chilling." to which I had a fifty/fifty chance of ending the prior statement with "like a motherfucking villain."

There was no euphoria, no negative feelings, just neutral. I remember tunnel vision becoming more and more prominent, and my ability to feel pain was already out the window. Apparently I fell down a couple of stairs on multiple occasions? Don't remember. That's another thing, my memory was also starting to go out the fucking window. Hearing stories about all the embarrassing/socially inappropriate shit you said or did after somewhat sobering up is a truly god fucking awful experience.

Day four.

Day four initial dose: I don't even know man. I know I took a decent amount of robotabs, so at least ten. Definitely hit some nos because one of the boxes was empty and I know I'm not the type to go through fifty cream chargers in merely three days. Don't know about the weed or kratom though.

I don't remember shit on day four to be honest. All I remember is viewing myself as a monster, because I was disassociated at the time, I don't really get it or know how to explain it, but not a jumpscare-y monster, one of those psychological horror monsters that lurked in the shadows and opened their eyes for a split second for you to see. But BECAUSE I though I was a monster, I spent a solid amount of time bashing my face into my bed and pillow. I might have bashed my head against a wall as well as there was a bruise, but I don't remember and can't say for sure.

Day five.

Day five initial dose: Good question. Enough to get that robo-nausea and robo-itch going.

Don't remember shit. I remember puking my guts out before giggling like a mad man, puking again and then my memory blacks out. I was pretty much incapacitated for the entire day. I called up a friend because I thought I was dying, he took my vitals, and my heart rate and blood pressure was beyond fucked. The funny thing is though, I didn't perceive him as my friend. I looked at him, didn't realize I closed my eyes and thought he was some fucking cowboy with a sunset(hallway lights) radiating behind him. And in what felt like a snap, my friend, as a cowboy for me, walked off into the sunset. Beautiful shit really. Beyond those two minute snippets of memory? There's nothing left. I know I didn't sleep, people told me otherwise. I just don't remember. Apparently I had an emotional breakdown near the end of it, stating that I didn't want to "be a fucking junkie anymore", telling my ex that "I just needed somebody to be there that isn't DXM" and similar lines. It's like an emotional drunk, but a hundred fucking times worse.

Anyways, that's my story, it was about a week or two ago. Still feel pretty sluggish and fried.

I guess the moral of the story is to not do a fuck ton of drugs.