Experience:LSD (388 µg) + Cannabis - The Terror of Eternity

Experience index - LSD

• Substance(s): LSD, cannabis
• Dose: 388 ug
• Route of Administration: sublingual

Subject

• Age: 18
• Sex: M
• Height: 70 inches
• Weight: 230 lbs
• Date: 05/2021
• Location: US / North Carolina

Background

Relatively new to psyches, had only done LSD a few times before this. On top of doing about 100 micros more than I had ever done before I also ingested them by putting them under the tongue instead of leaving them on top which I think also led to a more intense trip. I didn't want to combine the acid and weed but I will explain further down what happened.

Report

T+ 0:00 - Put a few tabs under the tongue at 7:15 PM. I was at work and planned to finish my shift during the early part of the come up and then start tripping when I got back to my apartment.

T+ 0:45 - I got off at 8:00 PM and started walking back to my apartment, colors already seemed more vibrant which was surprising cause I had never felt LSD so early on. I was excited though and everything seemed like it was going according to plan.

T+ 1:15 - My sense of time started to slow while I was watching TV with my roommates, it was bugging me out a little bit so I decided to go back in my room lay down and enjoy the show.

T+ 1:30 - By this point the trip started to get really intense, everything felt so profound and I felt very euphoric. The geometry I was seeing was already far more intense than anything I had seen before, mostly 3d lattice type structures. Lots of yellows and blues. I remember one scene of a golfer that was composed out of a lattice and when he hit his golf ball it exploded into 3d fragments that morphed and flew outward from every direction. I was so amazed and taken aback I could look around and see this landscape from like I was within it. I went back out to talk to my roommates but found myself incapable of communicating what I was experiencing, all I could muster was "holy shit", "truth", "profundity" and "I've never experienced anything like this before".

I laid back down and it felt like my mind escaped my body and was just going up up up, I can't recall all the stuff I saw and felt but it was a lot more geometry and I could feel language and words as their conceptual ideas rather than their functions if that makes sense, I could associate them with color and stuff, I saw a vision of two identical people composed of a blue flowing energy they looked at me and I thought "wow, what's out here." As I laid there I thought "this is great I just need to not panic" and it was like as soon as I even starting thinking about the possibility of having a bad trip I began falling into one.

T+ 1:45 - I saw this vast red landscape beneath me, it kind of looked like a muddy mesa, there were glowing rings in the sky and they twinkled and made a sound similar to the minecraft xp sound. I had a sensation that I was falling and it made me a little anxious so I decided to go back out into the living room again. My roommates were watching invincible, I tried to settle down on the chair I was in before but my anxiety kept building, I started experience extreme sensations of deja vu. While we were watching the fight between omni man and invincible I thought we had seen the whole episode already and when I expressed this and my roommates had no clue what I was talking about I totally started freaking out.

I thought I was in a loop and thought this feeling was going to last for months, starting panicking. At some point my roommates said I stood up and dropped my pants, have no memory of this. Unfortunately my pants had my phone so I totally lost track of time and so the chronology is kinda fuzzy from here. I started wandering around the apartment not sure of what was going on, I saw a knife in the kitchen and first had the idea that I had to kill myself to get out of the loop and the trip just started spiraling downwards from here. I thought I was in a game and that my roommates were NPCs meant to guide me through this trip but it went horribly wrong and they were now trapped in this loop with me.

I'm going to stop doing the T+s from here cause I just genuinely have no idea. As the trip progressed the length I thought I was going to have to endure these loops kept snowballing. I envisioned these countless futures where again I had to kill myself to get out of the loops. At some point I left the apartment and was wandering around the complex. I remember I went to the stairwell and looked down and thought I saw my own body at the bottom where I jumped off, I could see myself walking back up the stairs just to jump off again like I couldn't die. I was afraid that I was supposed to be experiencing ego death and that my ego just wouldn't die and that's what had lead to all of this. I sat down and had these overwhelming feelings of despair like "is this really how it ends, is this what I'm going to have to go through". I saw myself from outside my body and interestingly I was wearing glasses and had my hair tied back even though I wasn't wearing glasses and had my hair down, idk just a weird detail. I tried to go back to the apartment but the door was locked cause in our complex the doors lock automatically, I thought that in this game that area was no longer loaded and that I was going to be stuck in this hallway until I killed myself.

I started yelling for my roommate apologizing and asking what I should do, this time for some reason believing he was like the operator of the game I was in. I also had the delusion that my awareness of this fucked with reality and that if I stayed aware I'd be stuck outside of my sim, idk. He eventually came out and brought me back into the apartment. I had told him I didn't want to smoke while on LSD but it was the only thing he could think to do to calm me down. This made things way fucking worse, I was smoking cause I thought we were all trying to fill the room with gas so we'd suffocate to death, I wasn't communicating at all as I was so overwhelmed with these visions. They had to take keys away from me cause I was trying to cut my arm with them. When the weed kicked in it was like these visions split off into millions of different timelines all of which I died slow miserable deaths in this room.

I remember feeling like "ah, this is why I'm me, cause I alone encompass all of these myriad timelines so the odds that I was born as me is essentially 100%" that was so intuitive to me at the time it just cemented this as reality. I was so terrified. I had this sensation of my body being eaten, none of this was very painful but I thought this was going to last for billions of years. I think what I was actually feeling was just the tactile enhancement. There was also this sensation that like I could let my body move on its own and if I did this for too long my mind would become incapable of controlling my body and I'd just be a thought alone for eternity, but once I was aware of this I couldn't stop from going towards that point. Just various delusions from here, I thought I had trapped my roommates with me and felt so guilty, I thought I could feel my body being thrown into a casket, I saw my funeral, I thought I was the first person to overdose on LSD, my roommates were laughing cause I mean I was just so zooted and I heard their laughs as cries which furthered the idea that they were going through this unbearable pain (ik they were laughs cause they videos some of it and I recognized the sounds and stuff).

Eventually I stood up and got aggressive, one of my roommates got me to sit back down I don't really know what happened from here but I thought they had aged like decades. They brought me out to the living room and got me to look at a 8 hour long YT video of psych visuals so they could go to sleep, must've been like 3AM by now. Here I just continued to feel my body being eaten and thought this feeling was going to last for eternity. Eventually I came to and felt so numb emotionally. Time still felt so wonky, the next three days went by super quick and I just gradually went back to normal. Interestingly I thought I had gotten out of it without trauma for the first few months but then in July I smoked after I rolled and got paranoid I was back in the trip, for a couple months I was scared that maybe what I experienced was real and that life was all to distract me from what I was "really" experiencing (the continuing loops and deaths).

I'm finally in a place where I feel like I'm healing but I can't smoke or drink any more and still get anxiety pretty bad when in environments that remind me of that night. I shouldn't have put myself in situation so conducive to feeling trapped and should have been with people I trusted more, not roommates I didn't know super well who had never trip sat before.

Submitted by Bigcretin

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