Experience:35mg Dextromethamphetamine + 305mg 3-Methylmethcathinone + 20mg 2C-B - destroying myself before rebuilding

Experience index — Dextromethamphetamine, 3-Methylmethcathinone and 2C-B

• Substance(s): Dextromethamphetamine, 3-Methylmethcathinone and 2C-B
• Dose: (35mg), (305mg), (20mg)
• Route of Administration: (insufflated / oral), (insufflated / oral / intravenous injection) and (oral)

Subject

• Age: Early 20s
• Sex: Female
• Height: 180 cm / 70 inches
• Weight: 70 kg / 154 lb
• Date: 03/2024
• Location: Germany

Background

I self medicate attention deficit issues with illicit stimulant substances, recently I had started binging dextromethamphetamine hydrochloride and ordered some 3-Methylmethcathinone, partialy out of curiosity and partialy because I have been escalating my substance use step by step as what I guess I can only call a form of self-destruction.

I also suspect that I suffer from bipolar disorder or a associated personality disorder as I experience regular short (hypo-)manic episodes, in which I will sometimes just be very productive and sometimes I will do crazy things which seam completely resonable while doing them... I believe this experience to have been one of them.

Experience report

Timeline

11:30 - A lazy morning

I woke up quite well rested, the day before I had put an end to a sleepless binge by diazepaming myself.

Opening my mail, I find an interesting envalope containing a birthday card, perplexed I open the card to find what I had been waiting for 2C-B hydrochloride, ammused and in good mood I get on my way to work.

12:30 - Preparing for work

Having arrived nearly 4 hours too late to work, I really had to get things in swing, I grab my med bag and rush to the ladies room.

I get out my scale, box of razor blades and a straw (which I had previously wrapped in shrink tubing to make it resist being bitten on while having some fun with foily).

I measure out a 20mg shard of Dextromethamphetamine, I slice it in two, crush and cut up one half with a razor blade, insufflate it to get myself ready to go and put the other half in a drink for maintainance.

Now I can actually start working.

17:00 - More maintainance

Half way through my very late day, with fadding euphoria, I measure out another 15mg and fetch myself another drink.

20:00 - The beginning

Alone in the office, with the day finally behind me and the weekend beginning, I am ready to binge some more 3-Methylmethcathinone, I know its in the process of hooking me but at this point, I don't care.

I struggle to decided where to go, I contemplate just doing lines in my cubicle, but end up deciding to go to an open space where Im sure to see some friends.

20:30 - The space

Arriving at the space, I see many friendly faces... maybe too many, I make myself comfortable and get out my paraphernalia... my scale, mirror pane, razor blades, vials, heart rate monitor, etc... and fetch myself a fresh straw from the kitchen, cut it in two.

Ready to binge I struggle to contain myself, but decide to lean back, wait out who might still arrive today and paint my nails.

22:30 - The buildup

With everything ready to go, I fetch some aluminum foil, measure out 100mg of 3-Methylmethcathinone... dump it on the mirror pane and start cutting it up and dividing the line into 4 bumps 25mg each.

A friend asks, "whats that?", "Its a Methylatedmethcathinone", "aaaaaaaaa ffffffffff", the answer seamed to have quite excited them, "are you sure about that?", "yes I know what I am doing, I know very well how bad this compound is".

Sssssh... one down, I fetch myself a glass of electrolytes and drink another 50mg for maintainance, not a decent amount, but this drug doesn't like keeping its euphoria, so I might aswell raise my baseline a bit.

A couple of minutes down and I loosen up a bit, cuddeling my concerned friend...

and I ammuse the room with the 2C-B birthday card.

Ssssssss...

My filter breaks down, 3-Methylmethcathinone seams to do that very well... I start talking about different obscure drugs, cathinones and experiences with bipolar disorder.

I reveal that I have been taking up 70mg dextromethamphetamine daily to "medicate" since my amphetamine sulfate started giving me issues.

Ssssssss...

My rambling devolves into what ever comes to mind.

I start talking about how I gave myself a stroke with caffeine pills while on a hypo-manic episode and how it was like holding a plushy, checking if my arm could still feel something, unsure if it was the last time that arm would feel anything.

Ssssssss...

I talk about Methcathinone synthesis and how funny it is that unless you are synthesizing it from Propiophenone you are forced to oxidize ephedrine with potassium permanagante(leaving manganese contamination which can give users parkinsons), or chromium(IV) compounds(which are water solubile chromium compounds that are highly carcinogenic).

I talk about loved ones wanting to put me into the psycheward and my experience being rejected from therapy due to drug use.

Ssssssss....

I detail which chemical I synthesized for potencially commiting suicide and how.

I talk about my respiratory issues and how they are likely related to an accidental acute exposure to NOx gasses.

02:00 - the breakdown

I take another 40mg maintainance drink and keep rambeling.

My friends are not having it anymore, first they start responding with "hmmmm", than they just ignore me...

Something breaks, "why am I saying all these things, non of this should have been said, they all think I have gone mad, I hate myself", I start starring at my box of razor blades, I want to take another one and slice my wrists, I need to do something to hurt myself... "do I have everything I need to IV?, guess I will just try!"

I take out a 1ml syringe and add a 30G needle to it, I draw up 1ml of WFI(water for injection) from a 10ml vial(which I had crimped together with a crimping tool to test it, not considering I would use it), I take my vial of Dextromethamphetamine and remove the cap, I push aluminium foil into its neck forming a sort of cup, I put 25mg 3-Methylmethcathinone into the makeshift cup and shoot some of the WFI onto it to dissolve it, than without a filter medium I draw up the solution, I get out my tourniquet and rip it tighly around my arm.

At this point im trying my hardest to not look behind me, I dont want to see my friends faces, I just want to get this done.

I find my favorite vein, plunge into it, watch with pleasure as my syringe fills with blood... and shoot.

I don't know if it even did anything but I managed to fill that desire.

I apologize to everybody, "I don't know why I did that, I should have asked before".

Sssssss...

"after what you have seen tonight, do any of you want to ever try 3-Methylmethcathinone", a clear no is heard.

"why am I not dead yet?!", I ask into the room

One person leaves, the two other people left stay busy ignoring me...

I am going to finish this now, "tears start pooling in my eyes", I measure out what I have left... 40mg, I put 20mg into another glass and get ready to shoot the other 20mg, I dissolve the substance but I don't have another needle, "guess this dull thing will have to suffice", I somehow push it into my vein and register, I start crying out loudly with the syringe hanging in my vein, the people left try to comfort me, but I am obviously done for, one person leaves while the other stays with me, "you don't seam like you want to take that shoot, you don't have to", "no, I want to take it", I pull back the plunger but im not in anymore, I scramble to get back into the vein but it is no use... I pull out and squirt the blood-shoot solution into my mouth.

I am at the end, I can't hold in any emotions, the last person is getting ready to leave and I can feel that feeling, when I am about to be left alone but I know once I am bad things are going to happen and I should be asking them to stay, I see myself ending this horrible joke with a slice of my wrist.

The last person realizes they can't leave me, so they stay with me and cuddle with me a bit and talking about issues. I calm down somewhat as the drug starts to fade.

They must leave now, but obviously want me to go home, I assure them I am going to be fine staying... knowing I am about to do something even less wise...

I sit back and pour myself another glass with 20mg 2C-B.

I know there is a good chance I might have a bad trip, but I don't care, I have already destroyed myself today.

I get comfortable, turn of all communication and listen to rain noises on my headphones while starring into a color morphing LED light, as the 2C-B starts to set in, the light starts becoming more crocked and forming beautiful colors, I am filled with awe but I also didn't take this substance just to watch some visuals, my mind starts becoming loose, I start distancing from all the horrible things that have happened and a joy of being able to see these beautiful patters starts to fill me, decades pass in my mind before I realize I am 10 minutes into my trip.

I go to the bathroom and going by the mirror I am faced with something I couldn't bare seeing, I could see my face, I could see the pain, the exaustion, my hairloss, gunked up hair and what horrible things I had just done to myself, I started to cry more sincerly than I have been emotionally able since I can remember, and the image of my face crying out only fuels this despair, I try to comfort myself but it is no use, "I need to learn to love myself", I don't want to harm you.

I leave the bathroom and try to calm myself and watch some nice visuals but what I had just seen defined the whole experience of the trip, going through, I felt all the pain I had just experienced heal and I started feeling guilty for exposing others to it.

Submitted by 0xea

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