Experience:1,55mg LSD - The Report
- Date: 29.05.2017
- Gender: Male
- Weight: 85kg
- Age: 30
- Substance: 1.55mg Lysergic acid diethylamide
- Setting: Bedroom brightly lit with green walls no music.
Need to write this down as long the wounds are fresh.
I never neglected my drug use, not that im proud of it or anything, its just a thing i enjoy/experience depending on the substance. I lost my grandfather this year and felt totally shit. Not only because of his death, but because of the hate for myself for not caring about bonding with my grandparents and my family overall. Not like they treated me bad or anything, its just that i was basicly a loner since i can remember and didnt feel the need for bonding with anyone. Since i dont need anything from anyone i expected same from others. Oh how wrong i was! And it did actually catched up with me after he died. It was also the first death in my family and all the grief and pain hit me unexpectedly. Set: As stated above i felt terrible about myself. Am i really such an asshole? Am i the least reliable person in my family? I had so many regrets at this point towards my relationship with my closest ones. It was very depressing. I decided to dose in hope it will get rid of my depressed state and perhaps give myself some answers and fix my shit. Not that couldnt do it without L. Its just my soul screamed for it. Also last winter i did totally fine on 1.2mg of Lucy so i decided to top the dose a lil bit. Setting: The usual... My room brightly lit with green walls no music.
+0.00: Injested 13 blotters,
+0.10: "To hell with it!" and ate the remaining 2,5 blotters ,
+0.15: Sat in front of the pc checking emails and shit munching on the paper alsmost puking at one point after some got stuck in my throat.
+0.25: It came on fucking strong and fast and i started to feel disoriented and anxious so i wrote my BFF what ive done.
+0.40: The onset started and it was so intense i got scared as fuck, didnt expect that since the last 1,2mg trips comeup was smooth and enjoyable. I never experienced a true ego-loss or at least thats what i like to think. This time though it was different. I started to feel distant, like theres less and less of me inside. The Depersonalization intensified with every second and i started to panic, meanwhile the room started to warp and move with such intensity it was crazy. this went on for a couple of minutes, maybe 10 or so and wrote my friend and reddit whats going on. It started to get tight in my chest and i decided to lay down on my bed.
+1.00 I closed my eyes and my mind started to wander here and there. The content was mostly related to all the bad things ive done and my the elements of my personality i hate. A total ego trip occured. I tried to let go but somehow i couldnt. I kept bouncing back to those thoughts about myself.
+2.00 Guess ill drop the timeline from here since i have no clue about the chronology of the trip at this point cause alot of stuff started to repeat itself. I was trying to let go badly. But i couldnt. I could compare it with falling asleep, with the difference that every time i i was close to "sleep" "die" or even better, lets call it "breaking through something" I kept opening my eyes with my heart racing and a paralising fear in my head. The fear was sooooo fucking familiar. It was exactly the same fear i felt during some of my nightmares i had as a 6-7 year old kid. I could connect it to some trauma i must have had perhaps as a baby, but i couldnt remember it at all. This happened everytime i tried to let go for the next maybe 2 hours while my mind was still wandering in my "realm of negativities". Then Something happened, I didnt breakthrough the invincible wall i kept banging my head against. but at some point i started to see a mesh layered before my eyes. It looked like a green/blue forcefield around me and after a while i started to feel strange sensations inside my head. They were accompanying the thoughts basicly. Every thought i was cycling through gave me a needle like sensation in my brain. I started to get delusional thinking i got a stroke or something. After the idea of brain damage, i started to feel tactile sensations that i head earlier on a 400μg trip. i though im bleeding from my eyes nose and ears. I reached for them but my fingers where clean. Felt such Relief at this point and then something in me snapped. I felt disconnected from me. My mind was Floating in some sort of empty void while noticing something is emerging out of me. Peter was dead i wasnt him anymore. I somehow transformed into a new entity. It was such a bliss, i felt like everything is exactly how its supposed to be. I could stay in this state like forever. It was an feeling of merging with something far greater than us. At this point i knew i got both all the answers and all the questions inside me. Fuck me! I didnt even feel the need to ask any of them. I lingered in this state for quite a long time. Then after I was gone, couldnt grasp any thoughts, couldnt relate to anything, i was just lying there with an empty mind blinded by some sort of warm, pulsating light.
+-5:00 Went to the bathroom looked in the mirror terrified of how i looked. I was so fucked up i could play a zombie in a voodoo movie or something. Took a piss went to the kitchen where i walked in circles having no clue what i actually wanted. I was so tired of the trip so i thought perhaps downing a bottle of vodka would help me to kill the trip. I opend the fridge no vodka there. (I dont drink at all and there were never any vodka anyway). Grabbed a glass and a bottle of water and staggered back to bed. After this i cant recall anything what was going on. Im sure i didnt sleep but its like something erased all my memory.
+10:00 Another trip to the bathroom. Everything was drifting in so strongly i was amazed how long this stuff lasts. Then went back to bed. I slowly started to recall things from my past, i saw images of my parents, co-workers, friends, grandparents and saw something like scenes from my past projected in my head. Then i managed to fall into the abyss again laying there... with an empty mind.
+14:00 Something snapped in me again. everything was outlined with a purple aura i recognized this as the end of the trip.Turned some music on ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8GXRWfZrf8E ), took my comfy chair to the balcony sat in it and lightened up a cigar contemplating what i just went through.
Conclusion: I was somewhat dissapointed i didnt get the answers i wanted, but at the same time i was amazed about the fear related to my childhood. WTF happened to back then i have no clue but i can say for sure it had something to do with my babyhood. From what my parents told me i was born dead and the doctors managed to save me, so i played with that thought but in the end i think its the fear i felt in my mothers womb while being forced out of it. The mind is truly a riddle and it makes me sad i might not solve this mystery in my lifetime. Also i feel absolutely relieved and full of energy while writing this. Guess it was a good call to hop on this train... Again ;)
Submitted by - Antiharmonix
- Auditory hallucination
- Spontaneous tactile sensations
- Simultaneous emotions
- Symmetrical texture repetition
- Component controllability
- Scenery slicing
- Internal hallucinations
- Settings, sceneries, and landscapes
- Identity alteration
- Existential self-realization
- Personality regression
- Ego replacement